Essays on Go, Team Internet!

Show me your BLOG

2008-08-28T06:58:36-07:00

I'm trying to organize my Google Reader and subscriptions and what not and I think this would probably be the best way to keep up with old Consumators and the awesomeness I haven't read from in a while. SO PLEASE SHARE WITH ME YOUR BLOGS.

My new buttons

2008-08-28T04:41:42-07:00

I'm very proud of myself. Bad picture of new buttons on my pants.

Before:

Actual Nursing School Question:

2008-08-28T03:56:36-07:00

)

A client tells the nurse that her husband has gained 40 pounds over the past year due to the stress of his job. She complains, “Since we have been trying to conceive for the past 6 months, it seems as if he has gotten bigger!” An appropriate response by the nurse would be:

(1point)

	“Your husband should lose some weight before he gets sick.”

	“He has to work to pay these fertility bills.”

	“If your husband is obese, his size may prevent him from adequate penetration.”

	“Why is he under so much stress?”

Forty-five years ago today.

2008-08-28T01:18:17-07:00

This is awful!

2008-08-28T01:02:35-07:00

I have an ad in Craigslist advertising that we're auditioning guitar players. I am getting responses from all sorts, but this guy is the most unique so far:

http://www.myspace.com/raindogs5

He's apparently Italian. He has a recording of him performing Hendrix's "Stone Free" on his myspace page, but it's labeled as "Stom Free". I can't tell if that's what he's actually singing because it is just so atrociously awful. He sounds like he's going to eat my son. Scary.

I want this job.

2008-08-28T12:58:56-07:00

Keeper of Boos.

Personality Quiz Question #2

2008-08-28T11:44:47-07:00

Given the opportunity, I would eradicate my debt by:

A. auctioning it off.

B. hiding my historically low mutliples of expected earnings.

C. violently.

D. I have water in my ear.

Personality Quiz Question #1

2008-08-28T11:19:37-07:00

Everytime I try to make my hair look nice I...

A. lose my balance.

B. catch something on fire.

C. lose 10lbs.

D. find my keys.

E. to scratch the barnicles off her hull.

Maybe Start the Sobriety Checkpoint a Day Early

2008-08-28T10:49:07-07:00

Two lanes of Highway 101 open after vodka spill
San Jose Mercury News - 47 minutes ago
Two lanes of southbound US Highway 101 in Sunnyvale reopened at about 9:15 am, following a crash in which a big rig transporting vodka overturned and spilled the product onto the roadway, city spokesman John Pilger said.
Vodka Spill Slows South Bay Commute NBC11.com
all 8 news articles »

Overturned truck blocks three lanes on NB Hwy 101 near the ...
abc7news.com - Aug 27, 2008
SUNNYVALE, CA -- Three lanes are overturned on northbound US Highway 101 because of an overturned truck, according to the California Highway Patrol.
Overturned Truck Slows 101 Morning Commute In Sunnyvale NBC11.com
all 4 news articles »

SUNNYVALE: SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT TO BE HELD FRIDAY NIGHT
CBS 5 - Aug 27, 2008
Officers from the Sunnyvale Department of Public Safety will hold a "safety and sobriety" checkpoint Friday night and early Saturday morning to promote a safe start to Labor Day weekend.

This song on my radio in the morning made me very happy

2008-08-28T10:01:01-07:00

The mudane flickrs of Strangers

2008-08-27T11:12:06-07:00

You don't know them, or have even heard of them. But they were right there on your front page, in "recent uploads." Or maybe in explore. They might be a friend of a friend of a friend. Something just happened to catch your eye.

Britain's got an answer to NBC's Heroes

2008-08-27T06:04:24-07:00

Star Trek

2008-08-27T04:30:23-07:00

Last night, my roomies showed me the greatest two minutes of original Star Trek I have ever seen.

An alien female with a green body was doing some modern dancing around the Enterprise (?). Her boyfriend or pimp was wearing a brown fur coat with a purple tunic and gold necklace. At one point, she recited one of Shakespeare's sonnets ('shall I compare thee to a summers day'). The man she was with started barking at her that Shakespeare wrote the sonnet and the alien chick remained adamant that she came up with it 'yesterday.' In the bleakest and most poorly acted attempt at rage, he fumed and screamed out "I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS."

Why can't I find this on Youtube?

Sigh

2008-08-27T01:27:42-07:00

It's been about a year since I watched my two favorite movies. If you haven't seen these before, maybe I'll let you come over and watch them with me.

Conversation Snipits.

2008-08-27T01:20:08-07:00

So I was having a discussion earlier today that went something like this:

Me: ..and you've heard about the ones who want to riot like 68 or whatever?

Her: oh yea, husband was talking about that. He can't wait for it.

Me: Can't wait for it??

Her: Yea - Americans are content to sit back on their fat asses and bitch on the internet, whereas in S. Korea, where they apparently loved their leader, he lifts the ban on US meat, and they take to the streets in protest. But we (americans) hate our government and president, and we don't do anything but bitch.

Me: Interesting point you make there.

This being 2 years old, there's no way it's not old meme. I had just never seen this awesome thing before.

2008-08-27T12:14:24-07:00

Today is a great day.

2008-08-27T12:07:52-07:00

Give me a list of three things of why your day is great.

Dear airlines operating in Southeast Asia:

2008-08-27T10:02:27-07:00

Please stop canceling and rescheduling your flights so damn much. You make my work very difficult, and make my passengers rightfully frustrated. Were it but a possibility, I would sprinkle some magic levitating dust on a bus and make it fly to Vietnam instead. I'm sure that would be more reliable.
Sincerely,

(Add your open letter of complaint to unresponsive entities here)

Little Birds

2008-08-27T08:56:03-07:00

There are little birds trembling inside my chest. They are plucking bones to build their nest. Theyâ€™ve no idea the trouble you cause this bewildered heart. It is tormented by what I sense. It is best that they tear it apart. It is dark where they live. I feel their wings thrash and rip the tissue like a closed gift. Small beaks scatter and sift Through what parts remain of love both cruel and caged, just as they, within this vacant cask, flit and flutter, then violently thrash. -Lyndsie Stremlow

KRS One meets Soulja Boy (and doesn't deck him. . what the hell?!?!)

2008-08-27T04:48:10-07:00